Do you remember when mom and or dad stopped tucking you in?" 15 Comments -
(hi this is andrew. last night at 3 a.m. i wasn't thinking clearly and i deleted the entire site. but then alison called me back and talked some sense into me. then i went and created the blog again. here are all the blogs that i deleted:
emily said... Hi everyone! I think this is a great idea Andrew. Thanks for heading it up. My parents never really tucked me in. When I went to bed I said goodnight, gave them each a kiss on the lips (which seems weird because I don't do that with my own kids) then I would go lay in my bed and wait for my dad. Usually before I went to sleep he would come in and lay by me and we would talk about the 3 best things that happened that day. He never really stopped doing that until I got married...the frequency of the tradition just diminshed as I started going to bed later and later. Sometimes after my dates we would talk about the 3 best things of the day or date before I went to bed. I really want to do this tradition with my kids...I wonder if he did it with all my siblings or just with me because it seems overwhelming to do it for everyone. Anyway, it made bedtime special for me and that is what counts I guess! May 31, 2007 7:36 AM
jon said... I remember Dad would sing to me when he would put me to bed. He would sing a song that went something like this: "Johnny Boy, Johnny Boy, oh my little Johhny Boy." I remember that I would get really mad when he called me Johnny Boy. I remember feeling bad later that I got mad about it. I don't know whether or not I will be the type of father who sings to his kids but it is a sweet memory for me to remember him singing that song to me. He would also sing "I Love to See the Temple" and "Baptism" - the primary song about Jesus going to John the Baptist to be baptized. May 31, 2007 11:28 AM
alison said... My main memory of being tucked in was from when I was 4 or 5-years-old. Mom and Dad were having a party when we lived on Yale Avenue. I remember being in bed (I think on the bottom of a bunk bed) and calling to for Dad. I wanted to tell him something. Instead of Dad responding, Uncle Rock came in, acting as if he were dad. He actually fooled me—maybe because it was dark. It was a minute or so before I realized it was not dad and that it was Uncle Rock. I remember I was complaining to him and thinking I was talking to Dad (probably about having to be in bed during a party or about something . . . I can't recall exactly what). Anyway, when I finally realized I wasn't talking to my daddy, I remember Uncle Rock laughing and thinking it was really funny. Dad came in and I remember talking to him. Isn't it weird what you remember? That is a fun memory for me. The main thing I remember about being tucked in at night is Mom's little sweet kisses on the cheeks. They were so soft, gentle, and sweet. I'll have to try to think if I can remember anything else . . . May 31, 2007 12:19 PM
alison said... I guess I didn't really answer the question . . . no . . . I do not remember when mom or dad stopped tucking me in. Bummer. I'll have to rack my brain! May 31, 2007 12:21 PM
jgballstaedt said... Gosh Emily! I am jealous that you would kiss your parents on the lips before you went to bed. That would have really made my dating life a lot easier. It is just so hard to get myself to put my lips against a girls'. It would have been nice if I had been practicing with my dad. I don't remember when Mom and Dad stopped tucking me in. In fact, I don't really remember them tucking me in at all. I do remember that Dad used to come in and read the Book of Mormon to us as we sat in bed. A nice combination of the Spirit, fatherly love, and the joy of being together as father and sons (which are all of the same source) is what made it memorable. I am sure that Mom and Dad did tuck us in though. It just wasn't such a memorable experience for me. However, I bet it would have been if, as they tucked me in, they had kissed me on the lips. Do you think Dad tucks Mom in? I bet they kiss on the lips at night. May 31, 2007 5:18 PM
abi said... I think that the tucking in tappered down, but never really stopped. I was just a baby when I left home. I loved it though. Especially when Mom and Dad made my sheets turn into parachutes and pulled them up and down in the air. I loved it when they tucked me in really tight. Sometimes I would untuck myself just so that I could get tucked again. Gotta go to bed. Love you all! June 1, 2007 12:11 AM
emily said... Maybe this isn't ok to do....but I just wanted to tell Joseph that Mark and I laughed SO hard in response to your comments. HILARIOUS!!! That was seriously so funny Joe! Way to keep us happy and laughing...you are great! June 1, 2007 8:06 AM
abi said... Joe That was pretty funny. The whole kissing thing. I need to show it to Joe. June 1, 2007 1:22 PM
christina said... i remember dad tucking me in and making the sheets really really tight around my body so i felt like a little cacoon. i would always hope that i'd sleep that way the whole night. i remember one night i left out cookies and milk for santa at christmas. I went to sleep and then Dad came into my room and we sat on the bottom of my white bunk beds and ate the cookies and milk. He said that sants probably had sooo many cookies and that he'd want us to eat them. Then i went back to bed and felt sorry for santa because we ate his cookies. but then I also remember thinking that mom and dad were santa so in my mind, that comfirmed it a bit. thats all i really remember about tucking in. Maybe you should ask about childhood memories when dad would make you clean your room.. haha:) this is a cool idea andrew! June 2, 2007 12:01 PM
eliza said... I feel a little sad that I can't remember when Mom and Dad stopped tucking me in. I vaugly remember getting tucked in. Dad or Mom (I can't remember who) would tuck the sheets in really tight around my whole body. I loved that feeling. Brandon has actually tucked me in a couple of times, and I still love that feeling. I really only remember getting tucked in when I faked asleep in the car. I would pretend to be asleep when we pulled in the garage at night (from Grandma Ballstaedts, etc.) so that Dad would carry me up to my bed. Right when he layed me down I would say in my most tired voice, "Goodnight Dad." I think that was a dead give away that I was faking. When I was older Dad told me knew I was really not asleep, but he still carried me up anyway. I'm so glad he did! I do remember at one point Dad telling me I was to big to be carried to my bed, but I don't know how old I was. I rememer mom taking care of me at night when I was sick. Especially in the middle of the night. Her soft touch and voice were so comforting as I layed there in bed. Eliza Ballstaedt Kroll June 2, 2007 12:05 PM
eliza said... It is so sweet to read everyone's memories. It is very touching. I have to try really hard not to cry while reading them. (Fine, maybe I cried a little :] ) June 2, 2007 12:10 PM
mark said... Andrew, When I was growing up, I slept in an unheated room, on the bare floor, without any kind of bedding, so I never knew what it was like to be tucked in. I also walked six miles to school and back each day, uphill both ways. Love, Dad June 2, 2007 5:11 PM
comment deleted This post has been removed by the author. June 3, 2007 12:49 PM
mary alice said... I dont remember the last time they tucked me in, but i do remember they used to tuck us in really tight like a bug June 3, 2007 12:58 PM
comment deleted This post has been removed by the author. June 2, 2007 10:58 AM (i am now putting back my comment that i deleted first - before i deleted the entire sight. it was like a domino effect - i deleted one thing, and then i decided to delete the entire site. it is like the other day when i threw away lots of my paintings, and the other day when i deleted all my internet contacts, and like the other day when i deleted all my cellular phone contacts. so, maybe i am compulsive about deleting.......)
this is the entry i posted on the ballstaedt family blog i started - i felt embarrassed because it was so long - so i deleted it from the site. 1 message Andrew Ballstaedt Mon, Jun 4, 2007 at 3:00 AM To: andrew ballstaedt Do you remember when mom and or dad stopped tucking you in?
I am number 6 of 12 children. I have 5 older siblings and 6 younger siblings. When I was 15, the last child in our family was born - Michael James Ballstaedt. It was the summer of 1994 and I knew Michael was going to be a boy. Mom had Michael when I was at Jackson Hole on a river trip with roger henriksen and my priest quorum. Dad knew I had predicted Michael would be a boy. When I walked into the house on the Saturday I got home from our river trip in Jackson hole, dad greeted me and said "we had a baby girl" I remember my heart kind of sunk. I had been so sure it was going to be a boy. Then dad asked me if I would change the new baby girl's diaper. I started to change the diaper of the little baby girl and soon, very soon, realize that it was a baby boy. Dad started laughing when I realized it was a boy.
I talk about Michael because to me, he represents the last of the 12 children to be tucked in - because he still sleeps in the room next to mom and dad's room – and he is 13 years old. There was never a child after him to make him leave the room next to mom and dads.
There is a room next to mom and dads room and those two rooms are the only rooms on the main floor of our house where people sleep. The other rooms where people sleep are upstairs and downstairs in the basement. I think each of us children, starting with me and Eliza, have had a time when we slept in the room next to mom and dads room. Eliza was a baby when we moved to this house on Sun Drift Circle. So I assume she was the first baby at this house to sleep in the room next to mom and dads room. I was the first baby born in this house at Sun Drift Circle so I was probably the child who caused Eliza to be kicked out of the room next to mom and dads room.
I probably slept in that room next to mom and dad's room for 2 years, and then came Abigail. When Abigail was born in 1981, I imagine mom and dad put me downstairs in a room with my older brother mark. In fact, I remember when the basement wasn't finished and there was like one big room. Mark, me, Jon, and Joe all share this big room. I think me and mark had single beds and Joseph and Jonathan both had cribs. I remember dad coming down into that room to say prayers with us and - he probably tucked us in. I don't really remember being tucked in- to me tucked in represented mom and or dad coming into my room before I went to bed - and them reading a scripture out of the book of Mormon with me, saying a pray with me, talking to me and listening to my questions for a minute, and then them saying "good night" and "I love you" and then them turning off the light and leaving me. I do remember at times dad or mom would pull all my blankets off the bed and I would lay on the bed, with my skinny little small body, probably only wearing tighty whity underwear, and dad or mom would grab the sheet with both hands and kind of flip it into the air so that it came down onto my little body. Mom or dad would keep flipping the sheet in the air and letting it fall down onto my little body until they got the sheet to land right at my neck and also when they got the sheet to be evenly aligned with the bed - so there was the same amount of sheet falling off each side of the bed.
After mom or dad, depending on which of them was doing it, would get the sheet right, they would grab each blanket, one by one, and kind of flip it, whip it into the air until it fell nicely on me like the sheet had done. So, slowly there was this layer of blankets beginning to pile up on me in nice stacks, and I would feel really snug. Occasionally after they had kind of flipped each blanket into the air, and they were all neatly on top of me coming up to my neck so that only my head was popping out from the blankets - well occasionally they would then stick their hands under me, and in doing this, push the blankets under my little body - and after they had gone all the way around my little body - pushing the blankets under me, I would feel nice and snug - almost like I was a mummy.
So as I write this I realize that, leaving the room next to mom and dads did not mean that mom and dad stopped tucking me in. I guess the better question for this topic would have been - "do you remember when mom and dad stopped coming to your room at night to put you to bed and make sure everything was alright with you"
When I think of the little room next to mom and dads I think of me being in that room in a crib until Abigail came. I also remember the yellow rocking chair and how mom would hold me and feed me a bottle until I fell asleep. I loved it when she would rock me in the yellow rocking chair. But then I got kicked out of the room because Abigail was born. So Abigail was in that small room until Jonathan came (by the way I knew Jon was going to be a boy. I remember going through my drawers with mom - and picking out which of my clothing I would give him - there wasn't even any doubt - I knew Jonathan was going to be a boy - mom has often told me that she thought he and I were very good friends before we came to this earth - I think she said this because of how sure I was that he was going to be a boy. And I am not sure if I influenced mom and dad to do this, but I think I told them that I wanted Jonathans middle name to be David like mine. So we are: andrew David ballstaedt and Jonathan David ballstaedt - we both have the same middle name - which is the same name as our grandpa ballstaedt - so, I thought I named Jonathan with the middle name David after me - but maybe all little kids think the world revolves around them - I mean I remember hearing dad say that someone had been fired (probably fired from their job) but to me I assumed that the fireman came with a hose and fired the person - meaning that they used a hose of blasting fire and sprayed it all over the fired person.
When mom told me that she thought me and Jon were good friends before we came to the earth, I have since thought about Joseph smith and Hyrum smith. When I was in elementary I always listened to the dramatized church history tapes as a fell to sleep. That is where I gained my first testimony of Joseph smith – by listening to those church history tapes as a little elementary kid – but I remember learning how Joseph and Hyrum were good friends and I thought that maybe me and Jon were like Joseph and Hyrum smith because we had always been good friends.
So then Jon took over the little room next to mom and dads room followed by Joseph, then Christina, Mary Alice, and finally, 13 years ago, Michael, number 12, took over the small room next to mom and dads room. Michael never had a brother or sister born to take the little room away from him. As I have watched Michael grow up I have seen mom and dad go into his room next to theirs, and pray with him, sing to him, read the scriptures with him and so on. I always loved it when mom would say to Michael "hug you, love you, kiss you, miss you" then Michael would say it back to her.
I have always really liked Michael because he liked me so much. I think having Michael around the last 13 years has given me an idea of what it is like to be a parent. Dad and mom often have told me about how their children have always wanted to be with them until they reach a certain age. I think dad told me once how sad he was when Alison reached the, probably teenage age of 7th grade, and dad was really sad when she reached this age because she didn't really want to spend time with dad and mom like she had always done before this age.
So Michael has always liked being with me and hanging out with me - I mean how many 5 graders went out on Friday nights with their college age brothers until 2 and 3 in the morning. When Michael was in 5th or 6th grade I took him to Justin mellens house - it was a bachelor party for like Travis foster or something, and Michael stayed up with us till 3 or 5 in the morning playing x-box. Then he and I walked home, across the street, and it was as if Michael was my age – staying up late with me, but he was really in elementary school, and all the other kids his age had probably been in bed for 7 hours.
Michael always preferred to be with me than to be with his friends - until he was in 7th grade - and then he started wanting to hang out with his friends - it wasn't that he didn't want to hang out with me, but when he got into about 7th grade, when he had to choose between hanging out with me and his friends, he started choosing his friends. To me it was devastating, and I finally realized what dad and mom were trying to explain to me - kids just love you and want to be with you, until they turn a certain age, and then they seem to want to do their own thing more. Mom and dad have told me about how all their children went through this stage.
So what does this have to do with my parents tucking me in - well, I remember a very sad moment in my life. I was upstairs in my room, and I realized that I was alone in my room, and that mom and dad hadn't come up to my room to pray with me, and to make sure everything was alright with me. It was almost as if they just stopped doing it one day.
I remember wanting to cry because my entire life, up to that point, mom and dad had always come into my room to pray with me, read the scriptures, or tuck me in. it was a the first time in my life where I realized I was slowly getting older. I think I might have cried that night, alone in my room, because I realized that mom and dad were done coming to my room and tucking me in; I sadly new they were done coming to my room at night to make sure everything was okay with me.
I remember thinking - well, even though I am older now, even though I am in like 7th grade, it would still be okay if mom and dad kept tucking me in; kept coming to my room at night to make sure all was well with me. But deep inside of me I knew that dad liked to give his children their privacy, and I knew that I had reached the age where I was kind of on my own - in that - mom and dad would call us all to pray in the living room - but then after praying as a family I was on my own. They might go to Christina's room or Jon's, or Joes, or Mary Alice's room because they were still at that age where you tucked them in, but for me, after family prayer, I had to go tackle sleep and going to my room - alone. And that made me feel a bit lonely when I realized that I had reached the age where no longer would mom and dad come to my room before I went to bed.
I few memories about mom and dad coming to my room when I was a child - before bedtime:
I was probably like 5 or 4, and I remember standing on my bed and giving dad a hug and then kissing him on the cheek - and when I would kiss him on the cheek I remember feeling this stubble, that later in life I would realize was a shaved beard slowly growing back. But when I would kiss dad on the cheek it felt a little bit like sand paper.
I remember dad split the big room in the basement into two rooms - the rooms weren't really finished, but they had sheet rock up - and I could still see the screws that had been used to screw the sheet rock in. there were two single beds were me and mark slept, and then Jon and Joe were in there cribs. So all 4 of us shared a room. So assuming Joseph was in a crib and was 2 years old, then Jon would have been 4 years old, and I would have been 8 years old, and mark would have been 12. And I remember dad would come down to our room and say goodnight to the 4 of us - and Joseph always had hair that was sticking straight up in the air because of his many calics - and Jon was a tuff big looking kid - and mark, Jon, and Joe all had glasses - accept for me. And on the sheet rock walls were posters and newspaper clippings of byu football.
As a kid I liked byu football because dad liked byu football. When I thought of byu football I thought of time spent with dad. Every Saturday dad would tell me that there was a byu football game and I would get really excited. So, in a way, byu football was associated more with spending time with my dad - because as a kid I don't remember much about who won and who lost, I just remember spending time with dad. When byu would play Hawaii, dad would put me to bed at like 9, and then he would come up to my room and wake me up at midnight to watch the game. It started at midnight because byu was playing in Hawaii and the time was so different. I think it is really important for me to realize why I love byu football so much - I mean I am 28 and totally a byu football fan, probably a bigger fan than my dad. But it is important to remember that I love byu football - only because - it was time that I new I would be spending with my dad as a kid.
One memory I will never forget is dad singing to me. I was still young enough to be in the small bedroom next to mom and dads room. My room was dark and dad probably wanted me to fall asleep - he had probably turned off the light so I would get tired - and there was a soft light coming from the hallway - and dad began to sing the baptism song:
1- Jesus came to john the Baptist, in Judea long ago, and was baptized by immersion in the river Jordan's flow 2- to fulfill the law said Jesus, when the Baptist questioned why, "And to enter with my Father In the Kingdom up on high." 3- now we know that we must also witness faith in Jesus' world be baptized to show obedience, as was Jesus Christ our Lord.
As he sang this song a great peace came over me as I lay in bed in the small room next to mom and dads room. A peace that was so special. To this day I sometimes try and imitate what I heard dad sing - I can hear dads beautiful tenor voice when he would go higher at the part in the first verse beginning with "and was baptized by immersion in the river Jordan's flow"
I just remember how beautifully he sang that part - his voice didn't crack - and he would go higher - and it just was so soothing that it gave me such a peaceful feeling. I don't remember falling asleep after he sang that song, but there is such a strong feeling of nostalgia, of happiness and peace when I go back to that memory of dad singing the baptism song to me.
Someday when I have children I am going to put them in their beds and turn down their lights, and I am going to sing them the baptism song like dad did for me. I probably wont be able to sing it with a beautiful tenor voice like dad did, but I will try anyway. June 2, 2007 10:58 AM
I was so inspired by what you said about your Dad singing you the baptism song and how you want to do that for your children. I need to do more of that for my children. Reading your blog reminded me about how truly vulnerable little children are. I need to try harder to be a better mom for my girls. I think that tomorrow night instead of feeling so tired and totally out of patience I am going to try singing them the baptism song. I loved that song too when I was little even though my parents never sang it to me. Kids are so special...I really needed that reminder tonight. Thank you.
4 comments:
Do you remember when mom and or dad stopped tucking you in?"
15 Comments -
(hi this is andrew. last night at 3 a.m. i wasn't thinking clearly and i deleted the entire site. but then alison called me back and talked some sense into me. then i went and created the blog again. here are all the blogs that i deleted:
emily said...
Hi everyone! I think this is a great idea Andrew. Thanks for heading it up. My parents never really tucked me in. When I went to bed I said goodnight, gave them each a kiss on the lips (which seems weird because I don't do that with my own kids) then I would go lay in my bed and wait for my dad. Usually before I went to sleep he would come in and lay by me and we would talk about the 3 best things that happened that day. He never really stopped doing that until I got married...the frequency of the tradition just diminshed as I started going to bed later and later. Sometimes after my dates we would talk about the 3 best things of the day or date before I went to bed. I really want to do this tradition with my kids...I wonder if he did it with all my siblings or just with me because it seems overwhelming to do it for everyone. Anyway, it made bedtime special for me and that is what counts I guess!
May 31, 2007 7:36 AM
jon said...
I remember Dad would sing to me when he would put me to bed. He would sing a song that went something like this: "Johnny Boy, Johnny Boy, oh my little Johhny Boy." I remember that I would get really mad when he called me Johnny Boy. I remember feeling bad later that I got mad about it. I don't know whether or not I will be the type of father who sings to his kids but it is a sweet memory for me to remember him singing that song to me. He would also sing "I Love to See the Temple" and "Baptism" - the primary song about Jesus going to John the Baptist to be baptized.
May 31, 2007 11:28 AM
alison said...
My main memory of being tucked in was from when I was 4 or 5-years-old. Mom and Dad were having a party when we lived on Yale Avenue. I remember being in bed (I think on the bottom of a bunk bed) and calling to for Dad. I wanted to tell him something. Instead of Dad responding, Uncle Rock came in, acting as if he were dad. He actually fooled me—maybe because it was dark. It was a minute or so before I realized it was not dad and that it was Uncle Rock. I remember I was complaining to him and thinking I was talking to Dad (probably about having to be in bed during a party or about something . . . I can't recall exactly what). Anyway, when I finally realized I wasn't talking to my daddy, I remember Uncle Rock laughing and thinking it was really funny. Dad came in and I remember talking to him. Isn't it weird what you remember? That is a fun memory for me. The main thing I remember about being tucked in at night is Mom's little sweet kisses on the cheeks. They were so soft, gentle, and sweet. I'll have to try to think if I can remember anything else . . .
May 31, 2007 12:19 PM
alison said...
I guess I didn't really answer the question . . . no . . . I do not remember when mom or dad stopped tucking me in. Bummer. I'll have to rack my brain!
May 31, 2007 12:21 PM
jgballstaedt said...
Gosh Emily! I am jealous that you would kiss your parents on the lips before you went to bed. That would have really made my dating life a lot easier. It is just so hard to get myself to put my lips against a girls'. It would have been nice if I had been practicing with my dad. I don't remember when Mom and Dad stopped tucking me in. In fact, I don't really remember them tucking me in at all. I do remember that Dad used to come in and read the Book of Mormon to us as we sat in bed. A nice combination of the Spirit, fatherly love, and the joy of being together as father and sons (which are all of the same source) is what made it memorable. I am sure that Mom and Dad did tuck us in though. It just wasn't such a memorable experience for me. However, I bet it would have been if, as they tucked me in, they had kissed me on the lips. Do you think Dad tucks Mom in? I bet they kiss on the lips at night.
May 31, 2007 5:18 PM
abi said...
I think that the tucking in tappered down, but never really stopped. I was just a baby when I left home. I loved it though. Especially when Mom and Dad made my sheets turn into parachutes and pulled them up and down in the air. I loved it when they tucked me in really tight. Sometimes I would untuck myself just so that I could get tucked again. Gotta go to bed. Love you all!
June 1, 2007 12:11 AM
emily said...
Maybe this isn't ok to do....but I just wanted to tell Joseph that Mark and I laughed SO hard in response to your comments. HILARIOUS!!! That was seriously so funny Joe! Way to keep us happy and laughing...you are great!
June 1, 2007 8:06 AM
abi said...
Joe That was pretty funny. The whole kissing thing. I need to show it to Joe.
June 1, 2007 1:22 PM
christina said...
i remember dad tucking me in and making the sheets really really tight around my body so i felt like a little cacoon. i would always hope that i'd sleep that way the whole night. i remember one night i left out cookies and milk for santa at christmas. I went to sleep and then Dad came into my room and we sat on the bottom of my white bunk beds and ate the cookies and milk. He said that sants probably had sooo many cookies and that he'd want us to eat them. Then i went back to bed and felt sorry for santa because we ate his cookies. but then I also remember thinking that mom and dad were santa so in my mind, that comfirmed it a bit. thats all i really remember about tucking in. Maybe you should ask about childhood memories when dad would make you clean your room.. haha:) this is a cool idea andrew!
June 2, 2007 12:01 PM
eliza said...
I feel a little sad that I can't remember when Mom and Dad stopped tucking me in. I vaugly remember getting tucked in. Dad or Mom (I can't remember who) would tuck the sheets in really tight around my whole body. I loved that feeling. Brandon has actually tucked me in a couple of times, and I still love that feeling. I really only remember getting tucked in when I faked asleep in the car. I would pretend to be asleep when we pulled in the garage at night (from Grandma Ballstaedts, etc.) so that Dad would carry me up to my bed. Right when he layed me down I would say in my most tired voice, "Goodnight Dad." I think that was a dead give away that I was faking. When I was older Dad told me knew I was really not asleep, but he still carried me up anyway. I'm so glad he did! I do remember at one point Dad telling me I was to big to be carried to my bed, but I don't know how old I was. I rememer mom taking care of me at night when I was sick. Especially in the middle of the night. Her soft touch and voice were so comforting as I layed there in bed. Eliza Ballstaedt Kroll
June 2, 2007 12:05 PM
eliza said...
It is so sweet to read everyone's memories. It is very touching. I have to try really hard not to cry while reading them. (Fine, maybe I cried a little :] )
June 2, 2007 12:10 PM
mark said...
Andrew, When I was growing up, I slept in an unheated room, on the bare floor, without any kind of bedding, so I never knew what it was like to be tucked in. I also walked six miles to school and back each day, uphill both ways. Love, Dad
June 2, 2007 5:11 PM
comment deleted
This post has been removed by the author.
June 3, 2007 12:49 PM
mary alice said...
I dont remember the last time they tucked me in, but i do remember they used to tuck us in really tight like a bug
June 3, 2007 12:58 PM
comment deleted
This post has been removed by the author.
June 2, 2007 10:58 AM
(i am now putting back my comment that i deleted first - before i deleted the entire sight. it was like a domino effect - i deleted one thing, and then i decided to delete the entire site. it is like the other day when i threw away lots of my paintings, and the other day when i deleted all my internet contacts, and like the other day when i deleted all my cellular phone contacts. so, maybe i am compulsive about deleting.......)
this is the entry i posted on the ballstaedt family blog i started - i felt embarrassed because it was so long - so i deleted it from the site.
1 message
Andrew Ballstaedt
Mon, Jun 4, 2007 at 3:00 AM
To: andrew ballstaedt
Do you remember when mom and or dad stopped tucking you in?
I am number 6 of 12 children. I have 5 older siblings and 6 younger
siblings. When I was 15, the last child in our family was born -
Michael James Ballstaedt. It was the summer of 1994 and I knew Michael
was going to be a boy. Mom had Michael when I was at Jackson Hole on a
river trip with roger henriksen and my priest quorum. Dad knew I had
predicted Michael would be a boy. When I walked into the house on the
Saturday I got home from our river trip in Jackson hole, dad greeted
me and said "we had a baby girl" I remember my heart kind of sunk. I
had been so sure it was going to be a boy. Then dad asked me if I
would change the new baby girl's diaper. I started to change the
diaper of the little baby girl and soon, very soon, realize that it
was a baby boy. Dad started laughing when I realized it was a boy.
I talk about Michael because to me, he represents the last of the 12
children to be tucked in - because he still sleeps in the room next to
mom and dad's room – and he is 13 years old. There was never a child
after him to make him leave the room next to mom and dads.
There is a room next to mom and dads room and those two rooms are the
only rooms on the main floor of our house where people sleep. The
other rooms where people sleep are upstairs and downstairs in the
basement. I think each of us children, starting with me and Eliza,
have had a time when we slept in the room next to mom and dads room.
Eliza was a baby when we moved to this house on Sun Drift Circle. So I
assume she was the first baby at this house to sleep in the room next
to mom and dads room. I was the first baby born in this house at Sun
Drift Circle so I was probably the child who caused Eliza to be kicked
out of the room next to mom and dads room.
I probably slept in that room next to mom and dad's room for 2 years,
and then came Abigail. When Abigail was born in 1981, I imagine mom
and dad put me downstairs in a room with my older brother mark. In
fact, I remember when the basement wasn't finished and there was like
one big room. Mark, me, Jon, and Joe all share this big room. I think
me and mark had single beds and Joseph and Jonathan both had cribs. I
remember dad coming down into that room to say prayers with us and -
he probably tucked us in. I don't really remember being tucked in- to
me tucked in represented mom and or dad coming into my room before I
went to bed - and them reading a scripture out of the book of Mormon
with me, saying a pray with me, talking to me and listening to my
questions for a minute, and then them saying "good night" and "I love
you" and then them turning off the light and leaving me. I do remember
at times dad or mom would pull all my blankets off the bed and I would
lay on the bed, with my skinny little small body, probably only
wearing tighty whity underwear, and dad or mom would grab the sheet
with both hands and kind of flip it into the air so that it came down
onto my little body. Mom or dad would keep flipping the sheet in the
air and letting it fall down onto my little body until they got the
sheet to land right at my neck and also when they got the sheet to be
evenly aligned with the bed - so there was the same amount of sheet
falling off each side of the bed.
After mom or dad, depending on which of them was doing it, would get
the sheet right, they would grab each blanket, one by one, and kind of
flip it, whip it into the air until it fell nicely on me like the
sheet had done. So, slowly there was this layer of blankets beginning
to pile up on me in nice stacks, and I would feel really snug.
Occasionally after they had kind of flipped each blanket into the air,
and they were all neatly on top of me coming up to my neck so that
only my head was popping out from the blankets - well occasionally
they would then stick their hands under me, and in doing this, push
the blankets under my little body - and after they had gone all the
way around my little body - pushing the blankets under me, I would
feel nice and snug - almost like I was a mummy.
So as I write this I realize that, leaving the room next to mom and
dads did not mean that mom and dad stopped tucking me in. I guess the
better question for this topic would have been - "do you remember when
mom and dad stopped coming to your room at night to put you to bed and
make sure everything was alright with you"
When I think of the little room next to mom and dads I think of me
being in that room in a crib until Abigail came. I also remember the
yellow rocking chair and how mom would hold me and feed me a bottle
until I fell asleep. I loved it when she would rock me in the yellow
rocking chair. But then I got kicked out of the room because Abigail
was born. So Abigail was in that small room until Jonathan came (by
the way I knew Jon was going to be a boy. I remember going through my
drawers with mom - and picking out which of my clothing I would give
him - there wasn't even any doubt - I knew Jonathan was going to be a
boy - mom has often told me that she thought he and I were very good
friends before we came to this earth - I think she said this because
of how sure I was that he was going to be a boy. And I am not sure if
I influenced mom and dad to do this, but I think I told them that I
wanted Jonathans middle name to be David like mine. So we are: andrew
David ballstaedt and Jonathan David ballstaedt - we both have the same
middle name - which is the same name as our grandpa ballstaedt - so, I
thought I named Jonathan with the middle name David after me - but
maybe all little kids think the world revolves around them - I mean I
remember hearing dad say that someone had been fired (probably fired
from their job) but to me I assumed that the fireman came with a hose
and fired the person - meaning that they used a hose of blasting fire
and sprayed it all over the fired person.
When mom told me that she thought me and Jon were good friends before
we came to the earth, I have since thought about Joseph smith and
Hyrum smith. When I was in elementary I always listened to the
dramatized church history tapes as a fell to sleep. That is where I
gained my first testimony of Joseph smith – by listening to those
church history tapes as a little elementary kid – but I remember
learning how Joseph and Hyrum were good friends and I thought that
maybe me and Jon were like Joseph and Hyrum smith because we had
always been good friends.
So then Jon took over the little room next to mom and dads room
followed by Joseph, then Christina, Mary Alice, and finally, 13 years
ago, Michael, number 12, took over the small room next to mom and dads
room. Michael never had a brother or sister born to take the little
room away from him. As I have watched Michael grow up I have seen mom
and dad go into his room next to theirs, and pray with him, sing to
him, read the scriptures with him and so on. I always loved it when
mom would say to Michael "hug you, love you, kiss you, miss you" then
Michael would say it back to her.
I have always really liked Michael because he liked me so much. I
think having Michael around the last 13 years has given me an idea of
what it is like to be a parent. Dad and mom often have told me about
how their children have always wanted to be with them until they reach
a certain age. I think dad told me once how sad he was when Alison
reached the, probably teenage age of 7th grade, and dad was really sad
when she reached this age because she didn't really want to spend time
with dad and mom like she had always done before this age.
So Michael has always liked being with me and hanging out with me - I
mean how many 5 graders went out on Friday nights with their college
age brothers until 2 and 3 in the morning. When Michael was in 5th or
6th grade I took him to Justin mellens house - it was a bachelor party
for like Travis foster or something, and Michael stayed up with us
till 3 or 5 in the morning playing x-box. Then he and I walked home,
across the street, and it was as if Michael was my age – staying up
late with me, but he was really in elementary school, and all the
other kids his age had probably been in bed for 7 hours.
Michael always preferred to be with me than to be with his friends -
until he was in 7th grade - and then he started wanting to hang out
with his friends - it wasn't that he didn't want to hang out with me,
but when he got into about 7th grade, when he had to choose between
hanging out with me and his friends, he started choosing his friends.
To me it was devastating, and I finally realized what dad and mom were
trying to explain to me - kids just love you and want to be with you,
until they turn a certain age, and then they seem to want to do their
own thing more. Mom and dad have told me about how all their children
went through this stage.
So what does this have to do with my parents tucking me in - well, I
remember a very sad moment in my life. I was upstairs in my room, and
I realized that I was alone in my room, and that mom and dad hadn't
come up to my room to pray with me, and to make sure everything was
alright with me. It was almost as if they just stopped doing it one
day.
I remember wanting to cry because my entire life, up to that point,
mom and dad had always come into my room to pray with me, read the
scriptures, or tuck me in. it was a the first time in my life where I
realized I was slowly getting older. I think I might have cried that
night, alone in my room, because I realized that mom and dad were done
coming to my room and tucking me in; I sadly new they were done coming
to my room at night to make sure everything was okay with me.
I remember thinking - well, even though I am older now, even though I
am in like 7th grade, it would still be okay if mom and dad kept
tucking me in; kept coming to my room at night to make sure all was
well with me. But deep inside of me I knew that dad liked to give his
children their privacy, and I knew that I had reached the age where I
was kind of on my own - in that - mom and dad would call us all to
pray in the living room - but then after praying as a family I was on
my own. They might go to Christina's room or Jon's, or Joes, or Mary
Alice's room because they were still at that age where you tucked them
in, but for me, after family prayer, I had to go tackle sleep and
going to my room - alone. And that made me feel a bit lonely when I
realized that I had reached the age where no longer would mom and dad
come to my room before I went to bed.
I few memories about mom and dad coming to my room when I was a child
- before bedtime:
I was probably like 5 or 4, and I remember standing on my bed and
giving dad a hug and then kissing him on the cheek - and when I would
kiss him on the cheek I remember feeling this stubble, that later in
life I would realize was a shaved beard slowly growing back. But when
I would kiss dad on the cheek it felt a little bit like sand paper.
I remember dad split the big room in the basement into two rooms - the
rooms weren't really finished, but they had sheet rock up - and I
could still see the screws that had been used to screw the sheet rock
in. there were two single beds were me and mark slept, and then Jon
and Joe were in there cribs. So all 4 of us shared a room. So assuming
Joseph was in a crib and was 2 years old, then Jon would have been 4
years old, and I would have been 8 years old, and mark would have been
12. And I remember dad would come down to our room and say goodnight
to the 4 of us - and Joseph always had hair that was sticking straight
up in the air because of his many calics - and Jon was a tuff big
looking kid - and mark, Jon, and Joe all had glasses - accept for me.
And on the sheet rock walls were posters and newspaper clippings of
byu football.
As a kid I liked byu football because dad liked byu football. When I
thought of byu football I thought of time spent with dad. Every
Saturday dad would tell me that there was a byu football game and I
would get really excited. So, in a way, byu football was associated
more with spending time with my dad - because as a kid I don't
remember much about who won and who lost, I just remember spending
time with dad. When byu would play Hawaii, dad would put me to bed at
like 9, and then he would come up to my room and wake me up at
midnight to watch the game. It started at midnight because byu was
playing in Hawaii and the time was so different. I think it is really
important for me to realize why I love byu football so much - I mean I
am 28 and totally a byu football fan, probably a bigger fan than my
dad. But it is important to remember that I love byu football - only
because - it was time that I new I would be spending with my dad as a
kid.
One memory I will never forget is dad singing to me. I was still young
enough to be in the small bedroom next to mom and dads room. My room
was dark and dad probably wanted me to fall asleep - he had probably
turned off the light so I would get tired - and there was a soft light
coming from the hallway - and dad began to sing the baptism song:
1- Jesus came to john the Baptist, in Judea long ago, and was baptized
by immersion in the river Jordan's flow
2- to fulfill the law said Jesus, when the Baptist questioned why,
"And to enter with my Father In the Kingdom up on high."
3- now we know that we must also witness faith in Jesus' world be
baptized to show obedience, as was Jesus Christ our Lord.
As he sang this song a great peace came over me as I lay in bed in the
small room next to mom and dads room. A peace that was so special. To
this day I sometimes try and imitate what I heard dad sing - I can
hear dads beautiful tenor voice when he would go higher at the part in
the first verse beginning with "and was baptized by immersion in the
river Jordan's flow"
I just remember how beautifully he sang that part - his voice didn't
crack - and he would go higher - and it just was so soothing that it
gave me such a peaceful feeling. I don't remember falling asleep after
he sang that song, but there is such a strong feeling of nostalgia, of
happiness and peace when I go back to that memory of dad singing the
baptism song to me.
Someday when I have children I am going to put them in their beds and
turn down their lights, and I am going to sing them the baptism song
like dad did for me. I probably wont be able to sing it with a
beautiful tenor voice like dad did, but I will try anyway.
June 2, 2007 10:58 AM
Andrew,
I was so inspired by what you said about your Dad singing you the baptism song and how you want to do that for your children. I need to do more of that for my children. Reading your blog reminded me about how truly vulnerable little children are. I need to try harder to be a better mom for my girls. I think that tomorrow night instead of feeling so tired and totally out of patience I am going to try singing them the baptism song. I loved that song too when I was little even though my parents never sang it to me. Kids are so special...I really needed that reminder tonight. Thank you.
i as well dont remember them stop tucking me in but i remember they would always sing church songs to put me asleep.
but i do remember i was really sad when i god to big for dad to carry me :) that was depressing
michael
Post a Comment